Oct 28, 2020

Keeping a journal should put me on track and help organize things. Just putting these words on paper or computer is givng me anxiety. Am I doing this right? Will this work? Why am I putting this in words? I think if I type this up I wouldn't be able to run away from the committment, which I am afraid of. Also, it seems reading this at some other time is going to be cringeworthy.

At any given time, I have so many thoughts zooming in my head. I have tendency to stress over things and be anxious about them. Why can't I be easy going. I think that should be first thing I should work towards. I think I'll start with listening to a set playlist of subs. At the moment, I think I'll use perfect health, runaway strut and size zero.

Monitoring my thoughts, breath work and connecting with my body should take precendence over everything. I need to stop dwelling on the worst case scenarios. I think having modest goals in the beginning should go a long way in developing my faith. I should work on rebuilding my identity.

Most important of all, I need to have faith that I can do this. Fear and doubt, jealousy and anxiety need to be shunned completely. They add nothing to my life at all. They do not comfort me nor do they change the situation for me. These emotions seem utterly pointless. Dwelling on these brings unwanted manifestations. I think there is great validity in the idea of Eckhart Tolle that the mind loves drama. I need to unplug. Yes, turn down my screentime by a great extent. Find time just for me. Meditation has been missing and needs to become one of the most important things of my day. Why must I run away from my own head? Why must I chase after the drama?

I know what needs to go away: Linkedin, Cricket, Youtube, Netflix

What can I do in meditation?

What can I do in mindfulness?

I think I should also dabble with the Silva method and Hemi-Sync/Brainwave Entrainment

Some rules

  1. Meditate at least twice a day
  2. Maintain mindfulness throughout the day
  3. Fail? Restart
  4. Always restart
  5. Always restart
  6. Try to build the different aspects one at a time
  7. Really work at it and really try